the days are getting shorter, so the mid-afternoon light is a little more golden. the sky has lost the haziness that accompanies the summer and is now clear and bright blue. the breezes are a little cooler. and the butterflies are here again. all these things are a big part of my memory of jonathan's birthday as well.
after the building up of emotions of the past week as jonathan's 2nd birthday approached, the day has finally arrived.
i had big plans for jonathan's 2nd birthday: i was finally going to sit down this past week and go through each note that was written for us, rolled up, and tucked away for us in the "prayer/wish frame" during jonathan's funeral two years ago. can you believe i have not done this already? all those notes just waiting to be read, saved up for a time such as this.
unfortunately, that big idea got lost among planning and co-hosting a baby shower, attending a concert, kate's soccer practices and her game today, my everyday household duties and taking care of the kids, among other things. basically.....life just keeps on going and the moments i would like to spend quietly remembering my baby boy just don't happen as often as i would like them to.
we also planned on going out with friends and family for mexican food (of course) tonight. what better way to spend this day than spending it with people you care about, right? even those plans did not go exactly as i had intended, but still worked out for the best in the end.
so even though my week did not go as i thought it should, i do believe that God graciously gave me some sweet reminders that He is very much with me as we tried to celebrate another milestone as best we could.
for example, i was completely blessed this week when the ladies of my wednesday night bible study took the time to remember him, pray for me, and let me share part of his story and my testimony. it was unplanned, but i was thankful for the opportunity. talking about him is still very healing to me. it must be something about affirming the Lord's goodness and faithfulness to me during that time. or to revisit all of the different ways God made Himself very real, almost tangible, in my life. or to share all of the joy we experienced even in the midst of devastation, because of what He did for us. i love to remember it. i love to talk about it. and i'm so very thankful for it.
also, tonight as we were heading to the mexican restaurant for dinner, it turned out that the restaurant we had chosen wasn't open for some reason. i only chose that place because it was where we ate frequently while i was pregnant with jonathan and where we ate right after his funeral with our family and friends. i was disappointed at first, but we just ended up going across the street to another mexican restaurant. it worked out much better since we got a private room and the kids could act like kids and not bother any other customers. anyway, during the move from one restaurant to the other, we saw a fantastic rainbow! it was sunny except for one very small rain shower heading our direction. and as we were pulling into the restaurant parking lot, it rained on us just a bit, like we had our own personal cloud above us. it was so symbolic of the rain that fell as we buried jonathan two years ago. i don't think we would have experienced either the rain or the rainbow, if we had been at the other restaurant like we had originally planned.
"The heavens also dropped rain at the presence of God" ~Psalm 68:8
i love the fact that our God is such a personal God, that He would give us those two little signs of His presence with us tonight.
so, even though much of what i had planned for this day and this week did not materialize, i will go to bed tonight on jonathan's 2nd birthday so thankful that God, yet again, provided so much peace and comfort to us on what should have been another difficult milestone in our journey. and knowing that if He has given us these sweet expressions of His love today, how much more He is loving on our jonathan in heaven on his birthday.
"Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the LORD’s purpose that prevails." ~ Proverbs 19:21
"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~ Jeremiah 29:10-12
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| celebrating with friends |
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| birthday gifts for jonathan |
