This is the story of our precious baby boy, who was diagnosed prenatally at
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6

To start at the beginning of our story, click here.


i'll take it

i got a (seemingly legit) email the other day informing me that this blog (jonathan's journey) has placed #54 out of the top 60 "2010 Top Mom and Dad Blogs." 

Top Mom & Dad Blog

two things:

1.  i did not know this existed
2.  it's a good thing they consider the top 60 blogs instead of top 50, right?

but i'll take it. 

as this blog was only originally intended to be a place where family and friends could check in on our pregnancy with jonathan, it amazing and humbling that anyone else would even care to read about our journey.  it has truly blessed us, the encouragement and prayers we've received from around the world.  thank you.

if you care to know more about the site that does the awarding, you can click here.


sweet feet

just in time for father's day, we received this wonderful keepsake pillow bearing jonathan's footprints from the ministry "cherished soles."  It's a small pillow embroidered with jonathan's name and birthdate on white linen.  i presented it to my husband as his gift from his son. 

the footprints are actual size.  look how tiny...

it had been awhile since i'd seen these sweet little feet, even though they are stamped in my bible.

i had forgotten just how small they are.  just how perfect they are.  just how kissable they were.

but as always, i was reminded of the amazing miracle that jonathan was and continues to be, eight and a half months later.  and the "cost" of carrying him (too high, as perceived by many) was worth every heartache just to meet him and kiss those feet.  not a single regret, instead, just peace and lots and lots of love.  i am so thankful for these precious moments with my son.

happy father's day to my wonderful husband.  jonathan couldn't have asked for a better daddy. 

kate and i love you so much and are so blessed to have you in our lives.


7 years and 8 months

yesterday, june 7th, greg and i celebrated 7 years of marriage!  it seems crazy to me that so much time has passed.   but i guess that's what happens when you're having fun.  two and a half of those years have been consumed with the joys of watching our precious daughter kate grow up and then the last 8 months of living without jonathan has just flown by as well.  i'm not quite sure i remember what we did before having kids.  we must have been pretty bored.  and as the saying goes, having kids is like having your heart walk around outside of your body.  if so, then losing a child is being not quite sure you will ever recover from having that heart broken.


i heard the funniest thing at a baby shower the other day.  another mom was telling the new mom-to-be, "they say that when you are delivering a baby, that when the placenta comes out, it is actually your brain."  how true is that!  actually, i think once you are pregnant, you immediately begin losing brain cells that control your memory.  somehow, the baby just sucks them right out of you.  my husband would vouch for that one.

another time, i've heard someone explain it this way:   when you become a mother, there is always part of your brain that is devoted to and working non-stop thinking about your child(ren.)  i think this is absolutely true as well.  there is not a moment in the day when i am not thinking about something that has to do with kate or jonathan.  even though jonathan hasn't been here for 8 months, he is so deeply part of who i am, just like kate is, that he is always on my mind no matter what i am doing. 

it's true that i can be having a conversation with someone and making a list in my head of things i need to do for kate that day. just as it's true that i can be smiling or laughing and be grieving for jonathan at the same time.

talk about multi-tasking. 

and i won't even go into how draining it is to constantly think about/grieve for a baby that has passed away.  i'm surprised i even remember my own name some days.

but when i really consider my life and all that the last 7 years have held, i conclude that i am just so, so blessed.  i have a fantastic husband who is just as fantastic a father to my children.  we have unconditional love and support from our parents.  i have a daughter who makes the "terrible twos" look like the "terrific twos."  and i have a son who has taught me that even in loss, there is incredible joy and blessing throughout the journey.

i truly have so much to be thankful for.


greg and i celebrated in destin with a TON of sushi and hibachi and then took a walk on the beach, possibly for the last time before the oil hits.  it was right at dusk and in the distance all around were some incredible thunderstorms brewing, sending the occasional streak of lightning here and there.  we felt like tourists, taking in the white sand and clear green waters as if it was the last time we would see it for awhile.  and unfortunately, it just may be true for us. 

here are some of our beach pictures...