today (the 8th) marks jonathan's 11 months in heaven. i must say that as his first birthday draws near, i have felt more emotional about him than i have in months.
once september arrived, the weather here cooled off noticibly. the sky is bluer and not as hazy with humidity. the days aren't as long anymore. and the butterflies are starting to show up.
i remember in the days immediately after jonathan died, i would spend lots of time just staring out into my backyard, which basically backs up to miles of woods. the sky was clear blue, the trees were still green and beautiful, and there were white and yellow butterflies everywhere. and i remember how broken my heart was.
almost a year later, my heart is not as broken. of course, it will always be broken because jonathan isn't here, but mostly i mean it is not as painful as it was for those first few months. the promise of the Lord to heal the brokenhearted, to bind up their wounds (Psalm 147:3) is one of the many promises i've clung to over the past year or so as we've walked through this trial. i know i'm not totally healed yet, but i believe i will be one day.
seeing all the butterflies the past couple of weeks brings back a flood of emotional memories. but it also reminds me just how far i have come in the healing process after losing a baby. i could not have done it on my own; it has only been by the Lord's provision of grace and strength (and so much more!) that i am at a place where i see so much blessing in my life rather than devastation.
and sometimes, the tears fall not because of what i don't have, but because of what i do have, especially now.
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This is the story of our precious baby boy, who was diagnosed prenatally at
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6
To start at the beginning of our story, click here.
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6
To start at the beginning of our story, click here.
dearest Lauren ><>
ReplyDeleteyou are such a precious sister in Christ ! when I read your thoughts I am always so amazed by God's all sufficient grace for you,
I am grateful to our heavenly Father for comforting you and healing your heart,
I am going to pray for you and I know that you keep leaning on the everlasting arms by faith and God has blessed you with such a precious heart and mind in Christ for His glory <><
The LORD your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior,
He will exult over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.
Zephaniah 3:17
AMEN!!
ReplyDeletexoxoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteI think of you often and check your blog at least once a week. Because our babies were only a month apart, I think we have experienced alot at the same time. Your post brought tears to my eyes because I know exactly what you mean. Even though I have been able to laugh so many times, I still find my eyes welling up at the strangest times. I think the Fall will be hard, but you are right, we have been blessed so much. I am praying for Evan's safe and healthy delivery in December! I know he and Kate will continue the healing in your heart! Much Love, Katie
ReplyDelete