leading up to jonathan's birthday, i spent a lot of time thinking about october 8, 2009. i also initially put pressure on myself all week to put those thoughts into words and post it here as part of his "baby journal", but to be honest i really didn't know where to begin. usually to celebrate your baby's first year, you might post photos documenting the important milestones your baby reached throughout the year. or pictures of your baby digging into his first birthday cake. but i don't have any new pictures. i don't have anything new to share about what he's been up to, what he looks like now, or anything like that. celebrating your baby's first birthday when he died on the day he was born....i wasn't quite sure how to appropriately mark this occasion.
i also wanted to find "the perfect" scripture to post on his birthday blog but was having trouble finding exactly what i thought was the "right one." so i decided to let the pressure go with posting a blog and to just celebrate the occasion the way that felt most natural to us, and that included spending time with the people who were there when jonathan was born and supported us through the past year.
the night before jonathan's birthday, i picked up my bible to read that day's scripture. i've been reading consecutively through the Psalms every night before bed, and interestingly enough, that night the one i read was Psalm 40. the number 40 has meant such a great deal to me since jonathan's death because i believe it has biblical meaning: each time the number 40 is used in the bible, it marks a period of trial followed by a period of rest and restoration. it also happens to be the number of minutes jonathan lived after birth. coincidence? i personally don't believe in coincidence.
the first part of Psalm 40 reads:
I waited patiently for the LORD;
he turned to me and heard my cry.
He lifted me out of the slimy pit,
out of the mud and mire;
he set my feet on a rock
and gave me a firm place to stand.
He put a new song in my mouth,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see and fear
and put their trust in the LORD.
Blessed is the man
who makes the LORD his trust,
who does not look to the proud,
to those who turn aside to false gods.
Many, O LORD my God,
are the wonders you have done.
The things you planned for us
no one can recount to you;
were I to speak and tell of them,
they would be too many to declare.
Psalm 40 perfectly describes our last year without jonathan. how amazing (and timely) is that??
we celebrated the jonathan's birthday by meeting at jonathan's gravesite with a small group of some of our closest friends and family that evening. our worship pastor lead a devotion and prayer time based on Psalm 111 and we gave all the kids balloons to release up to heaven.
|Jonathan's marker...still no headstone on his birthday.|
we then went out to a local mexican restaurant - the same one we ate at after jonathan's funeral - and fellowshiped over chips and salsa (and fajitas for evan.)
|Some of my closest girlfriends|
it was such a nice time without any tears. we still just feel so blessed to have experienced jonathan's life, even for such a short time, and i'm so glad we celebrated it the way that we did.