This is the story of our precious baby boy, who was diagnosed prenatally at
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6

To start at the beginning of our story, click here.


my tapestry

it’s a beautiful Sunday afternoon, and my house is completely silent. everyone is asleep, including the cats, except for me. i just can’t take a nap today, although i would love to. i have too much going through my head, but at the same time, i don’t know what to say really here other than it’s turned out to be an emotionally difficult week for me. with all the planning of jonathan’s care at the hospital, and the funeral and burial details, i suppose i am just emotionally exhausted from thinking about it all. i am trying to find a balance in celebrating this little life inside me and accepting the reality of his inevitable death, whenever it is that God has decided it should happen. and quite frankly, i simply still can’t believe that we have to even think about these things. this week, i have really felt the heaviness associated with not being able to see the big picture, God’s picture…and feeling like “why me?” instead.

thankfully, these moments where i am feeling a bit down tend to pass quickly. somehow, whether it’s through the laughter of my beautiful daughter, a hug from my husband, or even better: a perfectly timed, relevant scripture…things in the world are fine again and i am able to count my many blessings. actually, i lose count of them.

it was in a sermon several years ago that i first heard the analogy about “the big picture” being like a tapestry that God is weaving. since then, i have used this example many a time, usually to try to explain the unexplainable such as “why do bad things happen to good people?” we may never know, but i am thankful to know the One who knows.

Does suffering always make sense?
by John Piper

Certainly it doesn't make sense to us, no. But it does make sense to God. Therefore it is not irrational or ultimately absurd.

Our perspective is not God's perspective. We don't have the sight he has. There are numerous analogies of this. The one I like best, I think, is of the carpet. This one was used, I believe, by Corrie ten Boom, who suffered much as a person during World War II when she was imprisoned for helping Jewish people.

She said the suffering of the world is like looking at the bottom of a tapestry. God is weaving it from the top down, and he sees the picture developing. We're looking at it from the bottom up, and we're seeing all of these tangled threads. It doesn't look like it's making any sense at all, but it's the same tapestry.

In the Bible, God gives us enough evidence of his wisdom as a tapestry maker, enough glimpses of the big picture of the tapestry, and enough promises that he is going to make all the threads of our lives beautiful that, even when we can only see the bottom from time to time, we can trust him. And that's what we do in trouble.

We don't have to understand our own or another's suffering to the extent that we understand why it happened now, to this degree, and with these effects. We can't see all of that. What we can see are the promises, "I will work all things together for your good," and "I will magnify my grace in your weakness." God has given us enough in the Bible to know that there is a tapestry up there that I am a part of and that it's going to be beautiful. I'm going to hang on to him.


My life is but a weaving
Between my God and me.
I may choose the colors
But He knows what they should be.
For He can view the pattern
Upon the upper side
While I see it….
Only on the underside.
Sometimes He weaveth sorrow
Which seemeth strange to me
But I will trust His judgment
And work on faithfully.
Tis He who fills the shuttle
For He knows what is best
And I shall weave in earnest
And leave with Him the rest.
At last when life has ended
With Him I shall abide
Then I may view the pattern
Upon the other side.
Then I shall know the reason why
Pain with joy entwined
Was woven in the fabric of life
That God designed.

--Shawnee Kellie


  1. Thinking of you this morning...praying for sweet peace and comfort today. Sweet Jonathan's thread is a beautiful, priceless piece of your tapestry.

    One moment at a time...

    Sending love,

  2. Hey Lauren,

    I had heard you were pregnant again but Jonathan's condition just came to my attention last week. I don't have any scripture to offer, I myself am still reading my first book of the Bible, Matthew,(thanks Sean and Lindsay) and have recently found my own faith. I did want to pass on something I thought about while I was reading your blog and about the decision you made to keep Jonathan until he is ready to go home to God. And my thoughts revolved around what Jonathan knows because of the choice you made. Because you chose to continue to nuture him he knows:
    -he knows the sound of joy because of your laugh
    -he knows the sound of a mother's sorrow because of your sobs
    -he knows the sound of his father's voice and the depth of Greg's love for him
    -he knows the sound of his sister's voice, laughter and the feel of her hugs around your belly
    -he knows the comfort of a warm place where he is safe and sound within you and is free to grow and learn about the world outside.
    -he knows your smell and senses your moods
    -he can hear your heartbeat and hear the whoosh of air and other nutrients through your body
    - He can hear the wishes and prayers of people and through this knows of God's love

    All these things, you have enabled him to know joy, sorrow, comfort, solitude, compassion, love. A lifetime of emotions in a few months and this would have not been possible had you not made the decision you did. Lenny and I will pray for you, Greg and your families and will be thinking of you often.

    Love, Roberta

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  4. Lauren,
    I live here in Niceville and I just heard about your blog from some ladies at my church. I just finished reading, and I want you to know that I am praying for you and your family. I wish I had a scripture or poem to share for inspiration. To tell you the truth, YOU have been an inspiration to ME. You have such an amazing faith and trust in God. I am sure that you have inspired many others as well. God is working through you.
    In Him,

  5. Thank you, Lauren for being such an awesome witness to not only Jonathan but to all. Your Faith is an inspiration to me and I'm praying for a miracle in your family's life. For what it's worth, I truly believe one is forthcoming for you.

    With God all things are possible.

  6. Lauren,

    I'm so sorry it has been a harder week for you this week. I can't even imagine how difficult it would be to plan my child's funeral before he was born. You are indeed evidence that with God, all things are possible. I love the words that your friend Roberta offered, above. What great perspective. Praise God for good friends, well-timed words of encouragement, and the promises in His word. Praying for you. Wishing I were there tonight as you celebrate Johnathon's life at church...will be thinking of you.


  7. Hey Lauren! Today at church the sermon was preached by our old minister, who is now retired, and it was titled, "There is a Land that is Fairer than Day." The verse for the day was from John 14:1-6, 25-27. He spoke about heaven and how we should look forward to it. Something that he said at the end of the sermon made me think about you all and your situation. He said, "Some things happen outside the will of God, but nothing happens outside the love of God." I thought that was very profound and would provide one much comfort in your current situation. We are always praying for you all and love you lots!


  8. My dear friend had a beautiful baby daughter with Trisomy 13. The baby was precious and wonderful and lived longer than doctors expected--about 2 months. Now my dear friend has a sweet angel watching over her. I know your baby will bring you great joy amid the sorrow. God bless you.