This is the story of our precious baby boy, who was diagnosed prenatally at
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6

To start at the beginning of our story, click here.

11.30.2009

stockings

jonathan's due date was today. i didn't think this day would bother me so much until it actually arrived. i spent the day decorating my house for christmas, trying to keep my mind off the fact that a few months ago i believed i would be bringing home a healthy baby about now. how different things wound up being.

over the past couple of months i've noticed that kate, who turned two yesterday, has become more and more observant of her surroundings. when we're in the car, she knows where we are going by certain landmarks. about a month ago, i told her i was taking her to the park. i usually take her to a certain park, but on that day, i was taking her to a different, better one. as i drove out of the driveway and into the street, she burst into tears, crying, "park! park!" apparently, i had not driven the direction she was accustomed to going when i normally took her to the park. i spent half of the drive there trying to console her and convince her we were still going to the park, it was just a different and better one!

this is how i tend to react when things in my life go in a different, seemingly wrong direction.

except it's God at the wheel and i'm in the backseat trying to explain to Him that He made a wrong turn.

He convinces me with:

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight." ~Proverbs 3:5-6

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11

so today, as i was pulling out decorations and hanging up wreaths, lights, and ornaments, i came to the box that held our stockings. i had just bought them last christmas, and i knew i had purchased four matching ones since i was hoping for a new baby this year. my heart sank a bit because for now there would be a stocking for jonathan, but i wasn't sure i could find another matching stocking for a future baby. but as i opened the box, to my amazement, there were five stockings in the box. then i remembered that i had purchased one extra one, "just in case." my heart became full of joy and praise. God knew that one day we would need five stockings.


my mantle looks so festive with lights, candles, and the four matching stockings. i even imagined what it might look like next christmas with the five stockings, if that is part of His will.

i can't begin to fathom what kind of plans God has for my future. but i do know they are good. so i am just going to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride.

Share Posted by Lauren at 9:41 PM

7 comments:

  1. ViolinMamaDecember 1, 2009 at 7:14 AM

    I'm so glad you have a stocking for Jonathan! What a soothing reminder he was here each Advent and Christmas - along with another precious Baby - our Savior. Jonathan keeps amazing company!

    Thanks for continuing to soothe and inspire us with faith.

    Many prayers and blessings!

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  2. KatieDecember 1, 2009 at 7:18 AM

    Lauren, I know just how you feel and I can say that with complete honesty. Sunday night we were decorating our tree and I put Henry's ornament on there next to Maisie and Liam's. I had a meltdown a little later on just thinking about the last few weeks events and how I should still be carrying a baby right now. Christmas will be a mixed event for all of us mommies who have lost our sweet babies this year, but you are right, God is sovereign over all things and He knew what we would be facing this Christmas. I have a stocking for Henry too and I think I am going to take a cue from you and hang it anyway. Henry and Jonathan are celebrating with Jesus and all the angels this year... how marvelous this Christmas will be for them!

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  3. Chris R. QuinlanDecember 1, 2009 at 8:58 AM

    Great illustration! (The picture of us upset because we think God doesn't quite know where He's going.) Good encouragement for all of us.

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  4. AnonymousDecember 1, 2009 at 1:39 PM

    I just "ran across" your Blog today (I believe that it was truly a "God thing") and I spent 3 1/2 hours here! I started at the beginning or as far back as my computer would take me. I am so blessed! I am mostly blessed by your authentic Christianity and the way it shines through your every word. I am blessed that you "devoured" the Word of God while carrying your precious cargo. I just learned in BSF last night (we are studying the book of John) that in John 6 where Jesus says we must eat his flesh and drink his blood to have eternal life - this always kinda stumped me as to HOW to do that - I learned that devouring His Word is the way. So I see that you did that and it blessed me so much! God amazes me every day in so many ways and your blog is just one more incredible way He used. I'm gonna write you an email too!

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  5. seven-upDecember 2, 2009 at 4:42 PM

    Lauren, how applicable your illustration is to tus who have walked this road this year, either ourselves, or with our family member. Almost daily, I have this conversation with myself. I know that Grace,is completely whole now, in heaven, and that she is experiencing all the best that heaven has for us,and that she never had to experience any of the things we experience here in this life, pain, rejection, suffering, sadness, getting into trouble, dtc. I am so encouraged knowing these things, but then I feel so sad when I think about her never seeing the sun, the wind on her face, Christmas lights, music, smells,no first birthday, etc. Then I remember she is with the maker of Christmas, listening to the music of the angels, basking in the presence of God Almighty. If she could, it would be she, who felt sorry for us, being stuck down here. Honestly, I think we experience the pain of loss only to make us long that much more for heaven. The disciples of Jesus wanted him to stay with them, but He told them that He had to go to prepare a place for them, so that they could be with Him someday. Our precious children and grandchildren have already arrived in heaven and we must prepare ourselves to join them one day, in God's time. We still miss them, but they are not gone forever. Your family and Katie's family,are in my prayers, as we walk through this first Christmas together without the babies we had anticipated sharing a first Christmas with.

    Linda
    Grace Shedd's grandma

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  6. Leigh AnnDecember 2, 2009 at 6:44 PM

    I have a small stocking that I bought to tell our families that we were pregnant with our first baby. I pull it out every year, but never hang it. Maybe this year I will.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Marianna NyeDecember 15, 2009 at 7:45 PM

    What a profound message! My heart leaps with joy at the endless ways our Lord whispers to us through the storm to remind us He is always there! Just beautiful!

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