working on the *completely*

first of all, thank you so much for all the comments on my last post!  we are so touched by them all.  thank you for your encouragement and support. 

i am also so happy that our "secret" is out.  16 weeks of keeping such a big secret is quite hard.  the funniest response i've since heard from a friend was: "i hadn't heard you were pregnant, but i figured you would have taken care of a belly bump like that!"  that's right, baby number three means showing a lot sooner.  especially after just having a baby a few months ago.  i was down to my last few shirts that weren't maternity but still disguised the bump pretty well.  i'm very happy to be able to let everything just hang out now.  maternity clothes, here i come.

*****

so obviously, while i'm finished writing in "parts", the story does not end there. 

two days after i learned i was pregnant, i attended the beth moore simulcast "so long insecurity" with some of my close friends, including my OB.  the only other person (besides greg of course) who knew i was pregnant at this point was her.  i had already let her know that i no longer needed that progesterone test and i also shared with her about the amazing scripture that was on my mind that morning (Isaiah 43:18-19.)

anyway, "so long insecurity" was fabulous.  while a lot of it was about combatting physical, emotional, and spiritual insecurity with God's Word, i knew in my heart what the message was for me:  dealing with my insecurity about my relationship with God; being *completely* sold out that He is trustworthy and His Word is *completely* true.  completely sold out means giving Him the reigns over every area of my life...including the lives of my children and trusting Him whether He chooses to give or take away.  had He asked my permission a year ago to let Him give my son a terrible chromosome disorder, then ask us to carry him to term with all the potential complications, and then take him from us shortly after he was born, but all the while saying it was for the best and that He would provide for us everything we need to get through it....well i just don't know if i would have chosen that road.  who would have??  but now, having been brought so far in my relationship with Him, especially after everything He promised came to fruition, you would think trusting Him *completely* would not be such an issue anymore.

alas, i am human.  what can i say?  i'm not proud of my issues.  it's hard for me to admit to them.  but i am working on them and God has been so sweet to me through it all.

sweet enough, that half-way through beth moore's teaching that day, she actually quoted the same exact scripture...Isaiah 43:18-19:  "Do not remember the former things, nor consider the things of old. Behold, I will do a new thing, now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness and rivers in the desert."

OK, God, you have my attention.  it did not escape the attention of my OB either, as she reached over and touched my hand right as it was being spoken.  it was like a confirmation that indeed, He is up to something new.  and perhaps this verse is for me to cling to through it all....so long as i *completely* trust what He says.