God at work, part six: silence doesn't mean absence

...continued from part five

i have been waiting for a couple of months to share the story about how the other idea i had to extend jonathan's legacy has come to fruition.

back in this blog post i shared about how the ministry "woven together" came to be (and i'm still working out some of the details.)

but here is the rest of the story.

awhile back, i wrote about how the six month mark was so hard for me.  i think it was partly because i came to a point where i didn't know how to extend jonathan's legacy, which of course, is of utmost importance to me.

after much prayer and consideration, i came to the conclusion that i am only really good at two things:  sewing and running.  how could i use these things for good?  the sewing part was obvious, and soon after, "woven together" came to be.  the only thing i could think about for running would be to have a race in memory of jonathan, that would raise money towards some sort of ministry, i wasn't sure what at the time.

then i got an email from a T-13 mom in canada who was inviting everyone she knew to join in a run/walk in memory of her son, josiah.  all of the proceeds would benefit their local NICU unit.  and this was so motivating to me.  this is what i needed to do for jonathan, and for the benefit of other babies like him.

however, the more i began to think of all of the arrangements and preparations this event would entail, i realized that such an event was more than just a one-family job.  if we were going to do it right, we were talking about dozens of volunteers, financial sponsors, t-shirts, race numbers, race event management, setting up a non-profit organization, and all sorts of coordinations with local personnel, such as EMTs for medical emergencies and police to handle traffic.  oh yeah, this was WAY above just me and my little dream for my son's memory. 

i felt i should just let it go as a lost cause, but something inside wouldn't let me.  i kept thinking about it and wondering what to do with it, but i still had no real direction.  besides, all of this was taking place during the time i felt that God was being more "silent" than He had with me previously. 

so late this spring, i had an appointment with my OB.  don't get excited, it was just for my annual check-up, and i was going to talk to her about the problems in my cycle that i had noticed.  and while i was there, somehow, the topic of extending jonathan's legacy came up. i explained that i had two ideas, but was probably going with the sewing idea because the running idea was out of my league.

and this is where it gets good.

after i went over my two ideas, she told me that for a few weeks now, God had really been laying on her heart that she needed to plan a race that would be in memory of the babies that had been lost by patients of hers over the last year or two.  the same idea also happened to be on the heart of another one of those patients.  she said that God had already given her a vision of the race route, which happened to include my church and the cemetery where jonathan was buried, and had given her a scripture to go along with the race.  she also said that the race would take place in october, which is national pregnancy and infant loss month (and the month jonathan was born.)  she already had sponsors in mind and other details in order.

i was in complete awe as she told me these things.  this is why i wasn't able to let go of the idea. my idea fit into her plans (God's plans!) perfectly, as now i would just be able to *help* others plan the race, and it didn't have to be some huge undertaking by just one person.

it was also amazing to me to realize that just because God had been silent with me, it didn't mean He wasn't at work behind the scenes. 

stay tuned for details about the first annual "Race for New Life 5K", coming this October!

*****

so while i was there, of course, i talked to her about the problems with my cycle and showed her all of my charts to "prove it."  and because of where i was in my cycle on that very day, she decided to give me a pregnancy test.  if it was negative, the next step was to come back in a couple of weeks for a progesterone test.

it was negative.

but for some reason, i didn't feel down about it this time around. perhaps because of the amazing conversation i had had with her at the appointment, i didn't doubt again that God wasn't at work, even if i couldn't see it all the time.

 stay tuned for part seven....