the visit with our specialist

yesterday, we drove to pensacola for our follow-up with the specialist. the day for the appointment snuck up on me. normally, i would count down the days for an ultrasound, but i felt a little disengaged for this one. i was having a tug-of-war with my emotions: one moment i would feel thankful and the next, defeated. i felt that unless a miracle had occurred and our son was going to be found completely healthy, i was just going to be reminded that i was pregnant with a baby who would not survive. i wanted to feel excited to see jonathan and soak up the moment, but there was still a heaviness in the reality. thankfully, the very moment i saw my baby up on the big ultrasound screen, i melted. i became a proud mommy, watching my baby boy kick and move and suck his thumb. he was perfect. and i couldn't take my eyes off of him during the hour-long scan.

jonathan has grown so much in the 4 weeks since we last saw him. we learned he measured 20 weeks old (he's 21.5 weeks old) and he weighs 12 ounces. he also has managed to get into the head-down position, which is wonderful news! last time we saw him, he was breech and we were worried that he might stay that way, making for a more complex delivery.

the tech and doctor spent a long time studying jonathan's heart and listening to all the different valves and ventricles. our tense moment came when they listened to the heart beat. greg and i were a little shocked to hear the difference in the rhythm this time. 4 weeks ago, it sounded like a completely normal heart beat. this time, it sounded downright scary. the doctor acknowledged that there were several arrythmias, but that none of them were lethal in and of themselves. it was due to all of the enlarged holes between the arteries and the ventricles.

we left the visit very hopeful that jonathan has a great chance of making it to full term and even through delivery. thank you for your prayers already, and please continue to pray for this.

were were able to get lots of cute pictures of jonathan! he wasn't in the right position to get any good 4D shots, but we got plently of other good shots including some cute ones of his feet. i wasn't able to see his feet last time, so it was important to me to see them this time.

the first picture here makes me smile...he has the exact same spread-out big toe as kate did when she was born! we called it "the claw" for awhile, and she has since grown out of it:

and these are my favorite pictures: sucking his thumb!!

21 weeks along and counting!