theme of the week, take two

"To whom much is given, much is expected." - Luke 12:48.

another "theme of the week" has been revealed to me in the most interesting ways. this time, it was basically the above verse, over and over again: i read it somewhere, then it was quoted by someone else, and then my doctor and i had a brief conversation about it at our last visit. all unrelated events over just a couple of days.

i had to research the context of the scripture before i could begin to apply it to myself or our situation. the best description i found was: the more knowledge a man has, the more practice is expected from him; and the greater his gifts are, the more useful he ought to be, and diligent in the improvement of them.

interestingly enough, jonathan's name means "gift from God." and what a gift he is proving to be. as i am reminded often, for some reason God is entrusting us with this special gift. i have believed this from the beginning, but to hear others affirm it is heartening. in fact, all throughout this journey, the concept of being given "a gift" has come up again and again. this gift just has different wrapping than one would expect.

"Every good and perfect gift is from above..." ~James 1:17

however, we realize that our gift is not ours to keep. perhaps the memories of our time with jonathan, during pregnancy and for however long he lives, are for ours to keep. but we must offer our gift back to God, trusting that His plan is better and greater that we could ever imagine.

"The LORD gave and the LORD has taken away; may the name of the LORD be praised." ~Job 1:21

at this very moment, i want to believe i can do it: offer back the life of our son with unclenched hands. in fact, this is what i desire to do, as hannah faithfully dedicated her longed-awaited and prayed-for son, samuel, to the Lord in 1 Samuel 1. an offering is not a true offering unless it costs something. again: "To whom much is given, much is expected."

the cost of this offering will be great. even though i have not yet met jonathan... i have not yet smelled that sweet baby skin, i have not kissed those tiny feet, i have not yet looked him over and declared him "beautiful" or "perfect" in spite of whatever flaws trisomy 13 has caused during his development.... i know the moment i meet him will be accompanied by the deepest love and instinct of every mother: to feel like i cannot possibly live without him. how am i going to live without him? only by God's grace.

"I am leaving you with a gift--peace of mind and heart. And the peace I give isn't like the peace the world gives. So don't be troubled or afraid." ~John 14:27