This is the story of our precious baby boy, who was diagnosed prenatally at
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6

To start at the beginning of our story, click here.

10.11.2009

birthday, part one

all is quiet in my house at the moment. kate is with my parents and greg is napping, like i should be right now. my house should not be this quiet today. there should be the cries of a hungry baby. or the squeaks and contented sighs of a sleeping baby. but instead there is nothing, and it is deafening at this moment. how i miss my baby boy.

there is just so much to share with you about jonathan's birthday. i don't even really know where to start. i guess i will just back up and start at the beginning, and write it a little bit at a time when i feel up to it.

*****

after our appointment on wednesday with our specialist, greg and i really felt like we should not rush into making a decision about an induction. we knew things were bad with jonathan, but like i have mentioned in previous blogs, we wanted the time of jonathan's birth to become clear to us as we waited on the Lord to show us when it was time.

i did not sleep well that night and i was up all through the night to listen to jonathan's heartbeat. it was still flying high over 200 BPM. finally, when i measured it at 5:30 that morning, it was down around 150 BPM or so. while everyone was still sleeping, i packed a few things in my hospital suitcase and took a nice long shower, just in case. during that time, i did feel a sense of peace about it possibly being the day we meet jonathan.

a few hours later, we were sitting in my OB's ultrasound room, listening to her read the specialist's letter to her concerning our visit the previous day. when she was through, she looked up at us and said, "i don't think it can get much clearer than this." [about what we needed to do.] she took a quick peek at jonathan's heart via ultrasound, and there it was, quivering away and completely surrounded by fluid. he was in heart failure. she didn't think we should wait even a day to induce. the day had come for jonathan's birthday.

and just so it was even more obvious that the day had come, when she checked me, i was already dilated to 2 cm. and that vacation she was planning for the weekend? she had already canceled it for reasons completely unrelated to our situation. she would be available to deliver jonathan that day. and the concern about vacancy in the birthing center at the hospital? they were in a "lull" at that time. we would be able to get a birthing/postpartum room at the end of the hall that we could stay in our entire visit. even the date was significant: my dear grandmother, who passed away earlier this year, was also born on october 8th.

so greg and i sat in the car outside of my OB's office, crying, praying, and making lots and lots of phone calls. we knew the day was coming, but we didn't expect it to happen with such urgency. suddenly, it was here. the time had come for us to cling to every bit of faith we had, in that the Lord would carry us through.

"They do not fear bad news; they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. They are confident and fearless and can face their foes triumphantly." ~Psalm 112:7-8

"I prayed to the Lord, and he answered me, freeing me from all my fears." ~Psalm 34:4

.....to be continued

13 comments:

  1. Hey Lauren~ I am so terribly sorry for what your family has gone through. My mom (Joan Smith) has been filling me in and I just found your blog. I am amazed at the testimony you have through this terrible valley you are in right now. I also wanted to share a blog site of someone with a similar story and similar testimony. http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/
    Please know you are in our thoughts and prayers. ~Sara Smith Calhoun

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  2. My heart breaks for you and your family, yet I am in awe of your strength and courage. I first read your story a few weeks ago in the Daily News and I think I held my breath the entire time. When I finally breathed, I sobbed, tears puddling on my shirt. I sat there amazed at your faith, wondering if I could be so strong. I just don't know if I could. Jonathan's short, beautiful life will not be in vain. Your family's story has touched so many lives and has been a lesson to all of us to live each day to the fullest and cherish each moment. I will pray tonight that God will give you peace and purpose - and I will pray that I may possess half the courage, faith and strength that you have displayed in the wake of unimaginable circumstances. God Bless You all.
    ~Beckie Holbrook

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  3. Dear Lauren and Greg,

    I continue to read your story with anticipation. I had prayed that God would reveal to all concerned His perfect timing for Jonathan's birth and He answered by graciously giving you those 40 priceless minutes with Jonathan.

    I echo the multitude who have been so amazed, thankful and blessed by the sharing of your lives with all of us. You will continue to be in my prayers, especially Wednesday.

    With love,
    Julie Wilcox, GA

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  5. Lauren, Thank you so much for continuing to share Jonathan's story with us. I am so glad God gave you forty minutes with your precious boy. You and your family will continue to be in my prayers over the next weeks and months. I pray for healing for you especially because you carried him for so many months and you have longed for him this whole time. When your arms feel empty and your heart is heavy, just remember that God is there to shoulder the burden and comfort the sorrow. My prayers are with you dear Sister in Christ.
    In Him,
    Katie White
    (my mom is Julie from above comment)

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  6. Praying for you today....moments of peace to come with each breath. I am so sorry your arms are aching. You are so loved and Jonathan will never be forgotten.

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  7. Continuing to uphold you in prayer, that the Lord will comfort you and Greg in his mighty power to do so. Jonathan is sitting with Jesus. What an amazing picture. Thank you for sharing his life with us.

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  8. Lauren,

    I'm so sorry. I know that emptiness you must be feeling right now.

    I'll be praying for you and your family.

    Debra

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  9. Lauren, Greg and Kate,
    My thoughts go out to you during this incredibly heartbreaking time. As a, very, new mother, I can't even imagine what you're going through. I think its so brave and special that you've decided to share your journey and Jonathans life with the world! I am very glad that you got to enjoy atleast 40 minutes with your Jonathan. I know that must have meant the world!
    Thank you so much for sharing your story. I will continue to follow your blog for how ever long you have it. I wish your family the best and I know God will be watching over you all and comforting you all!
    Rebecca

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  10. Thank you for sharing your story! Your strength and courage through it all amazes me; GOD is truly good. May God continue to give you and your family peace during this hard time. God Bless!

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  11. Thank you for sharing your story! Your strength and courage through it all amazes me; GOD is truly good. May God continue to give you and your family peace during this hard time. God Bless!

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  12. I just want to first start off by telling you how truly sorry I am for your loss. However, I hate to even say the word loss, because Johnathan's life was everything but that. His short life impacted more people than many of us will in our 70-80 years here on Earth. His story, your story, has truly moved and inspired an entire community. Sometimes, God puts certain people through certain situations for certain reasons. Many times we don't discover these reasons for quite some time, but in this instance we all can clearly see Gods plan amidst this. He chose you and your family because you brought glory to Him. He chose you because he knew you could find peace amongst angst, joy amongst sorrow, and life amongst death. Johnathan will always be remembered and his legacy will live on for generations, not many of us can say the same. I want to thank you for sharing your story, your testimony with each of us. Your amazing strength and devotion leaves me speechless. One of my favorite quotes is, "A human life is a story told by God."- Hans Christian Andersen. What an amazing story Johnathan has told. I know Johnathan is looking down and is so proud of you and his daddy and I'm sure the Angels are having a blast with the beautiful little boy who stole the hearts of hundreds. I hope you find the peace you need in this hard time. May God continue to bless you and watch over you and your family. Thank you again.
    Jennifer Drinnon

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  13. blessings to you. I wanted to share with you that we share two special dates. Last year, Oct. 8, our daughter Cana was born with Trisomy 18. She lived one day and we buried her on Oct. 14th. I find some bitterness in my looking forward now that our first year of grief is behind us..as yours just begins. Know that i know. I will follow along, check in, and carry this with you as best i can. *i think i am signed in as my other blog site, so i'm official at www.milbrandts.blogspot.com

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