waiting...

have you ever had a moment where you just wish God would write the answer to your question in the sky? or at least just come out and tell you? after today's specialist appointment, we really need prayer about making the right choice.

we learned today that jonathan's condition is worsening. now there is fluid in his lungs, among all the other conditions (fluid in his brain, fluid around his heart, not to mention the same complex heart and kidney issues we are already aware of.) in the hour we were getting the ultrasound, his heart rate ranged from 97 BPM all the way to holding steady at 214 BPM, which is extraordinarily high. the placenta is also twice as large as it should be, which can cause problems as well. my amniotic fluid levels are still low at 4.6 where ideal is 10+. (this is actually up from last month, when they were at a 3.)

it seems our options are: 1. to deliver him now, while he's still alive and can possibly be born alive, or 2. take a wait and see approach. if he was born now, his lungs would not be able to function and it would surely mean death shortly after birth. however, his condition isn't going to get any better from here on out. waiting to deliver him means that he may not be alive by the induction date.

can we get a third option, please?

thankfully, we have another appointment with my OB tomorrow. we have a lot to discuss.

so after the ultrasound, i was waiting to get my vitals checked and i thought about the previous blog i posted. at first i thought, "guess i should have waited to post that one!" since i talk about how i felt God was preparing me to carry jonathan to full term. but then i decided that maybe he was just preparing me to, and not going to require it of me. now i'm just confused.

on the way back from the hospital, greg and i talked the entire time about this new choice we were facing. two very interesting things came up. first, i told him about this verse that has been on my mind for about a week now: "Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." ~Psalm 27:14 i had no idea why this verse kept coming to my mind...until today. the second thing was that i told him basically what i posted in my previous blog, about feeling that jonathan would make it to 37 weeks. i didn't know why i felt that way, but i just did. greg said, "hmm, that's interesting..." and proceeded to tell me about a conversation he had a week ago with someone about how he just really felt that jonathan would make it "37 weeks." he didn't know why he felt that way either, he just did.

either way, we do not feel at peace inducing jonathan anytime soon. God may not speak audibly for us to hear His answer on this, but i do believe He will give us peace for one decision over the other.

we are asking for your prayers concerning these things:
~ that jonathan would make it to the original induction date of november 7. he would be 37 weeks.
~ we would like it to be very obvious that the time has come for jonathan to be born. there are things that can happen to make this obvious, such as my water breaking, or going into labor, etc. all while jonathan still lives.
~ that our doctor would be given divine wisdom on how to proceed, considering jonathan's worsening condition
~ that jonathan would be born alive and we would get the chance to hold him during that time
~ that a breech delivery would not take any toll on jonathan' health during labor and delivery
~ that if an earlier induction date is suggested to us, that the Lord would grant us much peace about it if the date is part of God's will.

thank you so much for praying!!

i found the following on the internet, regarding "waiting for the Lord":

"As we go through life, we come to understand more, when we grow closer to Him and become more focused on Him, that there are some things in life that we need to wait for. Why? Because God's timing is so different from ours. This doesn't mean that if we ask for something or are planning for something to happen in our lives and it doesn't come quickly or the way we thought it would, that God will never give it to us or bring it our way. God's ways and timing are always different from ours. He knows our wants and desires, but He also knows when it's best to give to us.We must mature in believing that God will give us what we need and bring answers to prayer at the perfect time. He will always work in perfect timing. We cannot understand that at all! That's because we are humans and we aren't perfect. God works in ways we cannot see. He's working right now, at this very moment, in your life and around you. You'll be so amazed at how He works through you and gives to you when you least expect it.If we wait on the Lord and be strong and take heart that He knows what He's doing, He will really surprise you and amaze you with His perfect timing and wonderful plans! Trust in God and wait on Him!" ~Zach Wood

in other jonathan news, he now weighs a whopping 3 pounds, 12 ounces, up almost 2 pounds from last month! this is the 30th percentile. his body and head measurements are about where they are supposed to be for his age. he is still breech, of course, sitting indian-style and with one hand across his forehead and the other in front of his mouth. i don't think we've ever seen him without his hands over his mouth. we were also able to get some pictures and short video clips.

this video clip is of his face. it looks like a pretty clear shot, but because both hands are up over his face, they had to try to "go behind" them to get the shot. so it's not incredibly clear or anything. but good enough for us!

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