This is the story of our precious baby boy, who was diagnosed prenatally at
17 weeks with a fatal chromosome disorder called Trisomy 13. Although
Jonathan's condition is considered "not compatible with life", we desired to give
him every chance at life. Our prayer is that those who are touched by our story
are drawn to God, who is Life Himself. John 14:6

To start at the beginning of our story, click here.


what is normalcy?

greg and i are easing back into our "normal" lives now. i am still not sure what that means. a few days ago when we were so busy with funeral plans, i was looking forward to getting back to normalcy. but i realize now that it means "getting used to being without jonathan." we miss our baby so much.

we took kate to a local pumpkin patch yesterday. it was our first outing as a family in a long time. it was nice to have fun together, but we couldn't help feel that someone was missing. kate got to pick out a big pumpkin for herself, and a baby pumpkin for jonathan. she is very aware that she has a baby brother named jonathan. i am certain she remembers meeting him. when you ask her who her brother is, she always says, "baby!" and when you ask what the baby's name is, she will say, "jon-than." she also recognizes him from his pictures.

on the way back home from the pumpkin patch, we stopped to visit jonathan's grave. greg and i always note how beautiful it is where he is buried. the flowers from the funeral were fragrant and still blooming even though it had been several days now. the trees are still very green and full of life in spite of the falling temperatures. yesterday, it was very breezy, so the windchimes hanging all around the other graves were dancing and singing nonstop in the wind. there was a patch of sun right over jonathan's grave, as if to keep him warm. we could have spent hours there with him.

then today, we went to church for the first time since jonathan was born. we missed going for a couple of weeks there at the end of my pregnancy, since things were getting worse with jonathan. it was good to be back, and it did make things feel more "normal" again. afterwards, we again stopped by jonathan's grave since it was just next door. we wanted to make sure none of the flowers had blown over in the wind. when we were about to drive away, kate said, "bye-bye, jon-than!" in the voice of a sweet big sister.

i hope normalcy doesn't mean that kate forgets she has a baby brother. or that we try to fill our days with meaningless chores and obligations, in order to "take our mind off" of missing jonathan. or even worse, that we try to fill that "God-sized" hole in our hearts with anything other than God.

so i don't want to go back to normalcy. for how can we go back to the way we were, once we have met this little boy? how can we go back to who we were before, after we have experienced a greater love and emerged from this trial with a deeper faith? how can we be anything but changed for the better for what we experienced through this journey? we have been called to be better than what we were before jonathan came to be. so thanks to a little boy, who was deemed "not compatible with life" and only lived for 40 minutes....we have learned what life is truly all about.

"Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away." ~ Anonymous


we sang this song at church today, "you are good". it is such a fitting song for our journey. He is so very good.


  1. What a beautiful, beautiful post! And what a precious little girl you have--blessed by her little brother.

  2. thank you for blogging. it is so nice to keep up with what's going on. love you.

  3. Lauren, thank you sharing this journey of yours. It allows us not only to pray specifically for you, but to grow in our faith in Christ, as well. It was a sweet time of worship this morning, wasn't it?! As we continue to pray for your family, I will pray that God will reveal Himself to you each day in ways that show you anew that His kindness is forever...His goodness is forever...and His mercy is forever.

    With love in Christ,
    Jodie for all of us

  4. Lauren to read your posts brings instant peace into my heart. You write so beautifully and you have left such a loving legacy for your son. What an amazingly blessed little boy to have been given the three of you. I love you my precious friend!

  5. Dear Greg and Lauren,

    I wish the best for you and your family.


  6. Lauren,
    Thank you again for sharing such private times and thoughts. As I've told you befroe, we've never met face to face, but you and Kimberly are walking this path at exactily the same time. It is so good to hear you are starting to do family things again, but I was especially blessed by your words about going back to "normal." No, nothing will ever be normal, by its former definition, but God will create a new normal. You are weven days farther down this road than Kimberly and Bobby. Kimberly is just so sad. She tries hard to keep going, and does a pretty good job most of the time. It is just too bad the two of you were not closer together. You have so much in common, and from reading your many posts, I think the two of you would be friends if you really got to know each other. Thanks for posting your thoughtful wods to her several days ago. God allowed Grace to be delivered in a beautiful experience, somewhat making up for the nightmare of the 14th. Hopefully the two of you can email sometime. I am continuing to pray for you, as I know a little of what you are experiencing right now. Your family is very dear to me, even though we will probably never meet.

    Love and prayers,
    Kim's Mother

  7. Your words are very very familiar. It's a "new normal." One that can be exciting to see where the Lord brings you. And it can be intimidating in the sense that you wonder what is next. Keep faith in the Lord, as you have been, and stay in tune with where the Holy Spirit is guiding you next.

    "... but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:31

  8. That's so sweet what Kate said - precious words I'm sure you will never forget. Love you!

  9. My prayers are continually with you and also with Kim (from the above post). I just spoke with a friend today whose daughter will be turning two. She wasn't supposed to live either. The doctors wanted the mother to abort this child because she was missing her legs and one arm and her one hand was disfunctional. They prayed and immediately were comforted that God would carry them through. He did and she began to crawl in her own little way when the doctors thought for sure she'd be a vegetable. :) God is so good. He demands glory and thankfully through your family's story and your precious son, you are able to give it to Him. I'm amazed (and then not really) at how many people have been touched by Jonathan. I can't wait to get to heaven and meet him! I'm sure they'll be a big line to hug and kiss his sweet face!! :D

    Stacy Kuhl

  10. What a beautiful post. Things for you will never be normal or the same again. Your son has touched your heart and left a lasting mark. You will miss him always.
    But a new normal will slowly reveal itself. There will be time to remember Jonathan, to celebrate his life, to teach your daughter about her brother, and to spread God's love. And something "normal" will form.
    You're in my prayers.
    Beth C

  11. Lauren,
    You come to mind often & I pray for you for strength for each new day. I am so thankful I've found a new friend in a similar journey. Thanks for sharing & helping me prepare for what lies ahead for us. Your ministry is happening, just like you had dreamed. :)

  12. Beth C put my thoughts into words. Amen to what she said.